Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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