Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
