he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
