I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
