More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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