I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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