I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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