i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He did a backflip because drugs
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