Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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