I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
