There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
