What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
