Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
