time to smoke my breakfast
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
