I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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