doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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