I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
