I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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