He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize