Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
How naked do you want me to be?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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