I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
