He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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