you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
