Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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