Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
