I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
