yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
