i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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