what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
