I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do vagina's smell?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
