The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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