so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
