"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
