It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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