If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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