You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize