he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
