I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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