Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
