i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
