Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize