Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
