What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize