Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
