dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
