So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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