The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
