So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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