It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
