I'm gonna have a badass scar
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
