Umm I'm too high to move.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize