Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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