words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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