a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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