Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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