my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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