I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
