u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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