WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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