Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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