The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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