dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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