Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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