And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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