i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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