evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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