Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I only lived at night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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