i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
