I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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