We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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